I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
