Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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