why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
