We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize