We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize