Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
