Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
