omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
