Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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