Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
