Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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