her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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