I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The Olympian is in my bed
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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