Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
