I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
