I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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