Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Moan for me like Helen Keller
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
