he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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