Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
