Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
