Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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