just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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