I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We had to coat check the pizza.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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