I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
