She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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