Sry I called you an 8
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
