she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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