3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
