I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
