Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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