made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
