Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
