pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
