Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
