sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
