I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need a beard to bite.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
