I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
