Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
