why didn't you poke me back
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
