not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
