shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
