just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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