he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
