stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
