What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
