p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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