Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize