i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
