What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
