i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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